Uncanny Dovy

Her Pet Hermit

“I’ll talk to him captain, it wont happen again. Alright?”

“He’s a hermit for a reason, you know. I hear he eats people.”

“That’s nonsense. He is really nice actually…”

“He threw rocks at me! All I was doing was walking by, minding my duties. That’s not very nice, now is it? Besides, you don’t go throwing rocks at the captain of the guard and expect to just slide.”

“Well, you might have offended him. He has these rules about people…”

“Rules?”

“Yeah, I know it sounds crazy and yes, he does look pretty strange with all those feathers and sticks… but if only you knew, he is so very wise. I wish you could hear some of the things he has said.”

“I’ve heard him. He’s unintelligible. He might even be a bit blasphemous but I can’t understand most of the gibberish he spouts. He’s just another broken bard, lil’ miss. A slug with no pub. I should run him out.”

“You will do no such thing. He lives in my garden and this is still my mother’s kingdom… and you will leave him be!”

“Is that so? Your mother is our queen and yes, I must obey… but uh, there is something you should know. I mentioned him to your mother this morning and it seems she had no idea he was even living up there. I told her what he had done, the throwing of the rocks and barking at the vendors like a dog, and I even mentioned what the villagers have been saying, that you’ve been spotted dancing? With this man? Can you guess what she said? …She agreed with me, lil’ miss. This man is clearly a menace. Our queen has offered me fifty silver to make sure he gets the message, and it isn’t a pleasant one. Aw, don’t look at me like that. …I tell ya what girly, since you might end up queen one day and clearly you have this weird friendship with that cave troll, I’ll give you half of this purse if you help me do it. Twenty five silver is yours, just ignore him the next time he howls. That would help you with prestige, yeah? With the rest of your sister’s new family?”

“But… what? Winter is coming, where will he go? You can’t!”

“Now, now, lil’ miss.. don’t cry. No need to shed a tear for one dirty and crazy old fool. Besides, can’t he just… live off the land? He clearly has experience in that.”

“There are wolves out there! He isn’t even old, you know nothing about him!”

“Pfft, well.. it makes no difference except… it seems he might be more resilient to being left outside the castle walls. He’s all young and healthy like, eh? That just betters his chances. You really should try to look at things in a more positive light. Heheh…”

“You’re a beastly man… you have no honor.”

“My honor is to watch out for you and your blood. Your older sister is a lame cow and a dreamer. She’s off fighting a foolish war of ideals with her new husband, and well.. I’m not taking any chances. Your little secret is out and that’s all there is too it. Your stinky-bearded friend leaves the garden before the festival, or he dies tonight. I’m protecting you. One day… you will see.”

“I’m a grown woman. You don’t protect me. You insult me.”

He just laughs and turns his back to her, silently continuing his duty with that twisted grin on his face and a fat purse of silver hanging on his belt.

Being treated like a child, her anger boils over. She wants to punch him right in his smug face… but obviously that wouldn’t have the desired effect. So instead, she does the only thing she can think of to inflict some degree of harm upon this large man. She snorts deeply, hawks up a wad of snot and spats it right on his blue, golden threaded cloak with as much dramatic flare as she could muster. 

He spins around and glares at her.

She immediately regrets it. The captain is most infamous for his anger. She remembers that he once backhanded her older sister at the dinner table in front of guests, simply because she was telling a long story. He drew blood. Her mother rewarded him for it.

The princess turns and bounds recklessly down the corridor, leaving the captain shouting cold threats of ‘punishment’ and ‘consequences’. She had to hurry now to warn her friend. She knew it would be a race.

She cares not for her new slippers, just pauses to kick them from her feet into the nearest corner. Nor the pins that fall freely and drop the style from her fancy dress, she just hurries, moving as fast as she can and almost running into everything along the way. This could end up being the worst day of her life, and of course… today is actually her birthday.

Down the marble steps now and through the yard. Barefooted she sprints across the grass to the twisted vines that line the village walls. This part of the kingdom was always so gloomy and goth, and no matter how much gold was dropped here, it simply kept stagnant and gray.

She knew something was happening… something dreadful. She didn’t need the rain to tell her this… but the rain came anyway. It fell sudden and hard, and it shook her with its sharp and ominous thunder but it didn’t slow her down.

The rolling sky fades in the sound of horse hoofs echoing on the path. They trot up behind her quite suddenly so she stops a moment to get a look at the rider and to catch her breath. The captain of the guard heads for the western gate, dragging a man by a rope. Even under the clumping mud she recognizes that wild hair of his. The captain had found him first, and judging by the outfit the hermit had on, he had somehow managed to get dressed for the princess’s party.

The brutal captain rides right by her with his chin up, a bitter look on his face and her spirited friend in tow. He doesn’t notice her chase after him and he doesn’t hear her cries pleading for him to stop. If he did, he made no show of it.

She drops to her knees, helpless as the captain drags her only friend violently down the path and the surrounding people jeered and cheered all around her.

Looking completely defeated as they turn the bend and ride out of sight, the young woman hunched over her painted nails. She had dug them deeply into her palms and drawn blood. Tears drop heavy as she blinks, and she tells herself to stop shaking.

The vendors in the square all watched the spectacle and made their little comments of ‘serves her right’ and ‘it’s about time’. A couple of calloused people standing near could hear the princess making her own comment, but they paid no mind.

She growls low with a borrowed savagery, “No, my… dear captain. One day you will be the one to ‘see’.”